I used to use statements like these as my email signature back in college. Unfortunately, I have gained a much more intimate understanding of the despondent cynicism underlying them from my short period (5 years...!!!) of employment.

• 
  Indecision is the key to flexibility.
  
• 
  Succeed in spite of management.
  
• 
  Doing a job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job wrong fourteen times gives you job security.
  
• 
  The beatings will continue until morale improves.
  
• 
  It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
  
• 
  When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative one.