When I was an analyst in an investment bank, I had to spend a disproportionate amount of time on whipping up the best looking league tables by tweaking various parameters and recording such tweaks in minuscule font. Here is one that no banker would touch with a 10-feet pole:

1. Citi - $32.1bn
2. Merrill Lynch - $19.3bn
3. UBS - $13.7bn
4. Morgan Stanley - $10.6bn
5. Credit Agricole (Calyon) - $3.7bn
6. Barclays Bank - $3.3bn
7. Deutsche Bank - $3.2bn
8. Bank of America - $3bn
9. JPMorgan - $3bn
10. Bear Stearns - $2.8bn
11. Royal Bank of Scotland - $2.5bn
12. Credit Suisse - $2bn
13. Goldman Sachs - $1.7bn
14. Lehman Brothers - $1.5bn
15. WestLB - $519m

The worst is yet to come, my dear friends.

BRACE! BRACE!