Brian Williams, anchor and managing editor of NBC Nightly News, joins Wait Wait at New York City's Carnegie Hall to play a game called "You are the very worst act ever to play this stage." Williams answers three questions about Florence Foster Jenkins — an American music legend (?) who performed for a sold out Carnegie Hall audience almost exactly 65 years ago, and became known for singing terribly.

• The Value of Information by Information Architects Japan

• Suga Lumps, from Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords

阿拉伯半島電視台對拉登的最新採訪。拉登說：中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家！

原因是這樣的：基地組織曾派出6名精英恐怖分子襲擊中國各地。結果 ：

• 1人在炸公車時沒法子擠上車;
• 1人在炸超市時，炸彈遙控器卻被人扒走了 ;
• 1人在炸政府大樓時被保安截住狂揍： "叫你討薪，沒叫你上訪啊!!"。
• 1人成功地炸煤礦穴，死傷數百人，潛回基地後，半年都沒見有任何新聞報導這宗事件，基地組織以為他虛報, 遂判以 "撒謊罪"處決了;
• 1人曾經嘗試炸廣州 ，結果剛一出火車站,炸藥包就給飛車黨搶了,半天還沒定過神來 ;
• 最近又派1名女恐怖分子去炸河南 ，卻被人騙去了做媳婦!!

On this program, in the past, we have occasionally ribbed our current president. It's true. Go back and look at some of the tapes. We can be quite ribald. But it's in no way indicative of any real feelings about the president's abilities or policies. It's nothing personal – until now.

Yesterday, surrounded by school children, speaking in defense of his education policy, the president said this: [on screen, Bush saying,] "Childrens do learn, when standards are high and results are measured."

Childrens do learn! Or does they?

"Childrensss do learn" while talking about education. Let me tell you something, sir. Myself and this show, we don't need your charity. I have a full staff of very talented writers and producers working for me, and we can't even make that funnier by taking it out of context. You were talking about education! There is no funnier than that.

There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule you. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks because, as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations. So, please sir, change! For the childrens."

– Jon Stewart, September 27, 2007 (video)

Alright, yeeaaaah! I said yeeaaaah! Thank you. Thank you graduating seniors, faculty, parents... (several girls shout "we love you Conan!") I love you too sir. Thank you graduating seniors, faculty, parents, SAT tutors, college placement coaches, jealous siblings, grandparents who have no idea who I am... (applause) "Who is this horrible man?" And people who wandered in accidentally because they have season tickets to Lincoln Center.

Before I begin, I'd like to thank you for inviting me today. Over the years, I have been asked to give commencement speeches at many prestigious institutions. Just last year, I was offered fifty thousand dollars to speak at a graduation. But I said, "you go to hell, Bronx Science!" (applause) Then they said "sixty thousand!" And I took it but I never showed up! Man, those guys are idiots.

Hang on, grandma. "What's happening?" I am truly honored to be here today. Of course when I first got the call no one mentioned I'd have to show up at 8:45 in the morning and wear a dress. By the way, true story, I am wearing a ceremonial robe decorated in the colors of my alma mater, Harvard University. (applause) But I choose to wear it because it's the fastest way to let everyone know I'm a pompous, self-important jackass. (applause) I'll go to Starbucks later, "I'll have a mocha latte, BUT DON'T STAIN MY ROBE!" By the way, if you're curious, yes, under this thing I am going commando. (students "woo"-ing) I call it "Conando." That was dumb.

奧運倒數 福娃倒下

不經不覺，還有一年就到08年北京奧運會，昨日北京和香港都有舉行慶祝奧運一周年倒數活動。香港這邊，選在尖沙嘴文化中心平台搞了個「京港心連心．倒數迎奧運」晚會，曾特首和政務司長唐英年都有出席撐場。掛覑1號風球，但總算沒有傾盆大雨，晚會順利舉行，真要多謝一句「天助也」。

在倒數儀式舉行期間，自然少不了一眾明星與名人上台慶祝倒數一周年，也當然少不了奧運吉祥物福娃出場。只見貝貝、晶晶、歡歡、迎迎、妮妮興 高采烈地左搖右擺助興。台上的5隻「福娃」左搖右擺助興，蔚藍色的吹氣福娃「貝貝」不知怎麼的，愈來愈矮，變了縮水福娃，直至見不到它的樣子。原來是貝貝突然「泄氣」，變得頭耷耷，幾乎要倒下來，最後要工作人員中途「攙扶」離場。

噢！

30位老師衝擊試場爭學生
2007年7月12日

江蘇泰州兩所重點學校為爭學生發生衝突，30多名老師衝入試場撕毀學生的試卷，警員到場控制場面。

揚子晚報報道，10日上午，數百名來自各地的初中畢業生，來到姜堰中學參加該校自主招生考試。因擔心已經成為本校高一新生的生源出現流失，當天上午，興化中學的30多名老師，在拿著介紹信討要說法無果的情況下，衝進姜堰中學考場，撕毀學生試卷，想阻止考試的進行，場面一度失控。

姜堰中學姓錢的老師表示，按往年慣例，該校每年到這個時候，都要進行一次「自主招生」，目的是補充統招新生的不足。他說，今年該校高一年級已經通過統招等方式錄取了1000名新生，但由於下學期該校高一年級共設24個班，按每班60人計算，尚欠400名新生。當天，按計劃，該校對數百名來自不同地方的初中畢業生，進行統一考試。

錢老師回憶，當天上午8點多，兩位興化中學的老師首先進入他們學校，10點多，興化中學又來了30多名老師，他們一齊向考場走去。走進考場，他們撕毀了一些同學的試卷，與本校老師發生了衝突。不久，姜堰市公安局城東派出所的民警接報後趕到了現場。當天中午12點多，興化中學的老師才陸續離開姜堰中學。

興化中學校長辦公室的一位高老師說，按道理，中考早就過去，各學校高一新生的錄取工作也已經結束。姜堰中學此時招生，明顯違規，姜堰中學還接受已被錄取為興化中學高一新生的學生的考試報名，此行為有可能把興化中學已經成型的招生計劃打亂。

高老師說，當天上午，他們老師一行去姜堰中學，就是向該校討說法的。最後，在警方的協調下，姜堰中學同意不錄取已經被興化中學錄取的新生，他們老師這才回來。

Leveraged Buyouts

You have two cows. You come home from the fields one day to find Henry Kravis chatting to your spouse at the dining-room table. Two days later, you have no spouse, no farm, and no table. Two guys the size of sumo wrestlers have saddled up the cows and are riding them around the farmyard.

Hedge Funds

You have two cows. A guy in an open-necked shirt drives up in his Bentley and offers to take care of them for you in return for a year's supply of steak and 50 percent of their milk. They won't be allowed to leave his compound for two years.

Six months later, you have half a cow, producing sour milk. ``You have to be willing to lose rump today to get rib-eye tomorrow,'' the hedge-fund guy mumbles through a mouthful of sirloin and champagne.

Commodities

You have lots of stocks and bonds, but no cows. Are you crazy? Cows are the hot new market. Here, buy this exchange- traded cow futures contract. It can't lose. It gained 40 percent in the past six months.

Carbon-Emissions Trading

You have two cows. They produce 1.2 tons of methane gas per day. After a hefty donation to the re-election campaign of your local representative, the government gives you enough emission permits for six cows. You sell three permits, buy another cow, and apply for a European Commission grant to build a methane-gas power station.