Dec 13th 2007 | PARIS
From The Economist print edition

What a reduction in abstraction says about the new France

Of all the novelties of France under President Nicolas Sarkozy, one of the more arresting is the decline of the abstract noun. In the past, no French leader would make a speech without liberal doses of destiny and history. In one speech Mr Sarkozy's predecessor, Jacques Chirac, squeezed 13 abstract nouns — unity, liberty, humanity and more — into a single sentence. He was almost outdone by his prime minister (and part-time poet), Dominique de Villepin, who came up with the declaration: “Globalisation is not an ideal, it cannot be our destiny.”

The contrast with the wordcraft of Mr Sarkozy is instructive. In his first big foreign-policy speech, he managed in 18 pages to utter neither the word glory nor the word grandeur. Unlike his British counterparts, who favour verbless sentences, Mr Sarkozy is a verbaholic. According to a linguistic analysis of his campaign speeches by Damon Mayaffre, of the University of Nice, one of Mr Sarkozy's most frequent words is I, usually followed by the verb want.

What does this say about France? One answer is that the country has a hyperactive president, constantly on the go, who expects the French to be so too. “Work more to earn more” was his slogan, and his use of verbs matches the message. This is a man who likes to jog, where previous presidents preferred a dignified stroll. Indeed, his predilection prompted Libération, a left-leaning newspaper, to ask, “Is jogging right-wing?” It even moved a philosopher, Alain Finkielkraut, to implore the president to take up the promenade—a “spiritual experience”—and to give up jogging, which is mere “body management”.

Another explanation is that Mr Sarkozy is challenging the French tradition of conceptualism. Intellectuals, long cherished by the establishment, get short shrift now. “It's an old national habit: France is a country that thinks,” said Christine Lagarde, the finance minister, in a speech on the value of work, before adding: “Enough thinking now! Let's roll up our sleeves.” This week, Mr Sarkozy sneered at French philosophers during the visit of Libya's Muammar Qaddafi to Paris, accusing them of sipping coffee in Left Bank cafés while others got things done. As for France's famously rigid school curriculum, he has little fondness for it. Too much time is spent, he has declared, “on doctrine, theory and abstraction”, and not enough on practical applications. How long will it be before he has a go at the national motto, a veritable wealth of abstraction: Liberty, Equality, Fraternity?

林奕華
城市筆記．信報財經新聞
二〇〇七年六月十一日


不管你是男人女人，當有人把你叫做「師奶」時，你會反感嗎？

會的話，是因為「師奶」從來不是讚美。一個女人自稱師奶代表她有些無奈地接受自己，但在把一個女人叫做「師奶」之前，你便要對她的心理狀況有些了解：她有否有足夠的自信，連被定型為少見世面、眼光淺窄、聲大夾惡、斤斤計較、愛講是非或品味俗氣惡劣—都不介意？但，沒有丈夫便不能叫做「師奶」，所以再小女人的女人也不介意自己是「師奶」，皆因她在任何時候都可以大叫一聲：「老公！」

當然，有老公還不是令女人不介意被叫做「師奶」的全部理由，一個可以給她權力的「家庭」才是。而「師奶」跟「不是師奶」的分別正是在於：「師奶」還是有着特定一套的人生觀。人生觀同時反映一個人有沒有世界觀。任何覺得需要擁有世界觀的人，都是因為自覺渺小。這份自覺性將推動他去開拓更廣闊的天地，過程中將考驗一個人的胸襟、耐力和創意。

商場、市場、戰場

「師奶」卻一開始便被灌輸了必須忘記和放棄自己的觀念。這要追溯到五六十年代，那時候沒有人會把師奶聽作是貶低身份的稱呼。在那手停口停的年代，「師奶」的世界觀便在沒有選擇的情況下成形：沒有事情比溫飽和安定重要，所以做人態度必須務實，當「師奶」教育下一代時，對兒子會說搵錢最緊要，對女兒是如何搵老公。

「師奶」少不免把對下一代的期望當成是心理補償。也就是說，子女們將擁有她們沒有選擇的機會。矛盾的是，「師奶」又會要求子女們不要按照興趣、性格為前途作出個人選擇。本來她們可以跟隨時代的步伐和子女一同進步，但「師奶」會在被要求更新價值觀時告訴你—可能也是告訴自己—「太深奧了！聽不明白！點解要講埋晒啲唔知噏乜嘅嘢?!係咪想蝦我讀得書少？」—自卑，如是成為「師奶」拒絕接受新事物的抗體。

在崇尚物質的今日，師奶們再不像以往般缺乏比較的條件。男人愛炫耀是要別人尊重他的權力，「師奶」的愛面子，則是來自怕被別人看穿她沒有價值。她們的空虛如是造就了傳媒的乘虛而入。大量提供給她們明星藝人的蜚短流長彷彿真的增加了她們的優越感和自信心。但難道「師奶」之間就不能有更深入的話題了嗎？她們就真的只能在物質世界聽隨廣告和傳媒呼喚，不能有更高追求，更靈性的精神生活—除了參加瑜珈班？

上述問號其實全部和「師奶」的自覺性有關。惟是媒體看中的不是「師奶」的進步空間，卻是她們的心理弱點。原因是，「師奶」比以前更有錢，已經不只限於低下層的已婚婦女，「她」的涵意已伸延到有着中產背景但更認同傳統師奶觀念的未婚女性，甚至男性。簡單一句，「師奶」已經成為商場、市場、戰場。

否則，ＴＶＢ不會在一個晚上連續播上《同事三分親》、《師奶兵團》和《溏心風暴》三齣「師奶劇」，甚至整個無線節目設計絕大部分是以「師奶」為目標觀眾，造成類型乍看有很多種，但切入角度卻萬變不離其宗：假設這社會的人都是怕蝕底的、沒有更高理想的和沒有真正主體的。迎合「師奶」口味的手法也是換湯不換藥，繼續以抄襲、模仿別人或自己（《師奶兵團》和《窈窕熟女》均是抄《靚太唔易做》）來濫竽充數，也一樣有二百至三百萬香港人支持，證明觀眾要看的其實不是創意，而是自己的價值觀的被放大、被接受和被肯定。

剝削自我幻想

「『師奶』是最偉大的職業！全天候二十四小時……犧牲小我、完成大我，原來只有師奶。」在ＴＶＢ周刊裏的這段文字，是在宣傳《師奶兵團》之餘，也給認同自己偉大的「師奶」們立下牌坊。換個角度看，就是借歌功頌德來glamorize師奶的身份，卻不去反思師奶的心態；借glamorization來剝削師奶對自己的幻想，而不是藉辯證幻想來幫師奶增加面對現實時所需要的力量。《靚太唔易做》和《師奶兵團》水準上的相去甚遠確是在於「文化差異」上，但理由不是無線監製所解釋的中國人不是美國人，而是其抄襲一直存有選擇性，那便是把一切highbrow（高眉文化）、middlebrow（中眉文化）都矮化成 lowbrow（低眉文化）。

Lowbrow之所以叫lowbrow，便是在本質上屬於反智，逃避主義，所以大眾化。 Lowbrow當然也有良幣劣幣之分，好的能做到扛着低等反低等的既反抗菁英，也反抗平庸；既反抗扮嘢，也反抗無知。但ＴＶＢ的節目路向卻剛剛相反，由戲劇的假扮低下階層其實很「中產」，以致強裝「高級」其實很草根，均反映着這家電視機構拒絕看清現實，因而永遠落在電視文代發達的國家後面。

可悲的是，香港不止一家電視台是這樣，我們的電台、報章幾乎是個聯盟，導致「師奶」既是每個人不願往身上貼的標籤，骨子裏卻是……很多人連自己是百分百師奶都不知道。「師奶」不只活在菜市場和電視劇裏，「她」絕對不是一種身份，她是價值觀，所以大學生、中學生、教授、教師、政府高官都可以很「師奶」，然後「師奶」當道，然後香港淪陷成為一個「師奶」之城。

阿拉伯半島電視台對拉登的最新採訪。拉登說：中國是全球唯一絕對不能惹的國家！

原因是這樣的：基地組織曾派出6名精英恐怖分子襲擊中國各地。結果 ：

• 1人在炸公車時沒法子擠上車;
• 1人在炸超市時，炸彈遙控器卻被人扒走了 ;
• 1人在炸政府大樓時被保安截住狂揍： "叫你討薪，沒叫你上訪啊!!"。
• 1人成功地炸煤礦穴，死傷數百人，潛回基地後，半年都沒見有任何新聞報導這宗事件，基地組織以為他虛報, 遂判以 "撒謊罪"處決了;
• 1人曾經嘗試炸廣州 ，結果剛一出火車站,炸藥包就給飛車黨搶了,半天還沒定過神來 ;
• 最近又派1名女恐怖分子去炸河南 ，卻被人騙去了做媳婦!!

Business Week, November 19, 2007
By Sonal Rupani


Some 70% of those earning at least $75,000 say they are at their best in the morning, vs. 40% of those making under $30,000, according to a Gallup Poll of 1,019 adults. Would you be richer if you could just rise earlier? Not necessarily, says London consultant Leon Kreitzman, co-author of Rhythms of Life. He cites a sleep-habit survey by Southampton University researchers, who caught up 20 years later with people polled in 1973. Late risers were actually a bit wealthier. Being a lark or an owl is genetic, and the income disparity Gallup found may result from self-selection in job picking, he says. "It's not a willpower thing."

On this program, in the past, we have occasionally ribbed our current president. It's true. Go back and look at some of the tapes. We can be quite ribald. But it's in no way indicative of any real feelings about the president's abilities or policies. It's nothing personal – until now.

Yesterday, surrounded by school children, speaking in defense of his education policy, the president said this: [on screen, Bush saying,] "Childrens do learn, when standards are high and results are measured."

Childrens do learn! Or does they?

"Childrensss do learn" while talking about education. Let me tell you something, sir. Myself and this show, we don't need your charity. I have a full staff of very talented writers and producers working for me, and we can't even make that funnier by taking it out of context. You were talking about education! There is no funnier than that.

There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule you. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks because, as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations. So, please sir, change! For the childrens."

– Jon Stewart, September 27, 2007 (video)

Alright, yeeaaaah! I said yeeaaaah! Thank you. Thank you graduating seniors, faculty, parents... (several girls shout "we love you Conan!") I love you too sir. Thank you graduating seniors, faculty, parents, SAT tutors, college placement coaches, jealous siblings, grandparents who have no idea who I am... (applause) "Who is this horrible man?" And people who wandered in accidentally because they have season tickets to Lincoln Center.

Before I begin, I'd like to thank you for inviting me today. Over the years, I have been asked to give commencement speeches at many prestigious institutions. Just last year, I was offered fifty thousand dollars to speak at a graduation. But I said, "you go to hell, Bronx Science!" (applause) Then they said "sixty thousand!" And I took it but I never showed up! Man, those guys are idiots.

Hang on, grandma. "What's happening?" I am truly honored to be here today. Of course when I first got the call no one mentioned I'd have to show up at 8:45 in the morning and wear a dress. By the way, true story, I am wearing a ceremonial robe decorated in the colors of my alma mater, Harvard University. (applause) But I choose to wear it because it's the fastest way to let everyone know I'm a pompous, self-important jackass. (applause) I'll go to Starbucks later, "I'll have a mocha latte, BUT DON'T STAIN MY ROBE!" By the way, if you're curious, yes, under this thing I am going commando. (students "woo"-ing) I call it "Conando." That was dumb.

奧運倒數 福娃倒下

不經不覺，還有一年就到08年北京奧運會，昨日北京和香港都有舉行慶祝奧運一周年倒數活動。香港這邊，選在尖沙嘴文化中心平台搞了個「京港心連心．倒數迎奧運」晚會，曾特首和政務司長唐英年都有出席撐場。掛覑1號風球，但總算沒有傾盆大雨，晚會順利舉行，真要多謝一句「天助也」。

在倒數儀式舉行期間，自然少不了一眾明星與名人上台慶祝倒數一周年，也當然少不了奧運吉祥物福娃出場。只見貝貝、晶晶、歡歡、迎迎、妮妮興 高采烈地左搖右擺助興。台上的5隻「福娃」左搖右擺助興，蔚藍色的吹氣福娃「貝貝」不知怎麼的，愈來愈矮，變了縮水福娃，直至見不到它的樣子。原來是貝貝突然「泄氣」，變得頭耷耷，幾乎要倒下來，最後要工作人員中途「攙扶」離場。

噢！

As Nietzsche knew, painters do not merely reproduce [reality]. They select and highlight, and they are accorded genuine admiration in so far as their version of reality seems to bring out valuable features of it.

30位老師衝擊試場爭學生
2007年7月12日

江蘇泰州兩所重點學校為爭學生發生衝突，30多名老師衝入試場撕毀學生的試卷，警員到場控制場面。

揚子晚報報道，10日上午，數百名來自各地的初中畢業生，來到姜堰中學參加該校自主招生考試。因擔心已經成為本校高一新生的生源出現流失，當天上午，興化中學的30多名老師，在拿著介紹信討要說法無果的情況下，衝進姜堰中學考場，撕毀學生試卷，想阻止考試的進行，場面一度失控。

姜堰中學姓錢的老師表示，按往年慣例，該校每年到這個時候，都要進行一次「自主招生」，目的是補充統招新生的不足。他說，今年該校高一年級已經通過統招等方式錄取了1000名新生，但由於下學期該校高一年級共設24個班，按每班60人計算，尚欠400名新生。當天，按計劃，該校對數百名來自不同地方的初中畢業生，進行統一考試。

錢老師回憶，當天上午8點多，兩位興化中學的老師首先進入他們學校，10點多，興化中學又來了30多名老師，他們一齊向考場走去。走進考場，他們撕毀了一些同學的試卷，與本校老師發生了衝突。不久，姜堰市公安局城東派出所的民警接報後趕到了現場。當天中午12點多，興化中學的老師才陸續離開姜堰中學。

興化中學校長辦公室的一位高老師說，按道理，中考早就過去，各學校高一新生的錄取工作也已經結束。姜堰中學此時招生，明顯違規，姜堰中學還接受已被錄取為興化中學高一新生的學生的考試報名，此行為有可能把興化中學已經成型的招生計劃打亂。

高老師說，當天上午，他們老師一行去姜堰中學，就是向該校討說法的。最後，在警方的協調下，姜堰中學同意不錄取已經被興化中學錄取的新生，他們老師這才回來。

逾七成人對情色版字眼反感

一項調查顯示，74%的受訪者對中大學生報情色版所用的某些字眼反感，但大部份人均接設受情色版的原意。

新青年論壇和學友社在本月18至22日，訪問了940名市民，74%的受訪者對中大學生報情色版問卷調查的某些字眼感到反感，近43%受訪者認為，應該進一步處罰學生報編輯。

受訪的市民多數都認為學生做錯，但大部分受訪認為，學生報可以開放討論性問題，反映市民接受學生報設立情色版的原意。

• 受訪者有沒有看過問卷調查的原文？（還是由調查員以憤怒的聲線讀出他最不喜歡的一句？）
• 什麽是「某些字眼」？（你不喜歡一、我不喜歡二，這就算是兩個人不喜歡「某些字眼」，儘管其實每個字眼都只有一個人不喜歡）
• 什麽是反感？（我對謀殺這種行爲很反感。我乘地鐵時，對在我旁邊的人挖鼻子也很反感。我看記者的文筆不通暢，算不算是感到反感？）

• 什麽是進一步處罰？（我想罰他留堂、你想把他斬首，都是處罰啊。）
• 爲什麽只給我一個選擇，只是處罰學生報編輯？（我想處罰中大校方多一點）

• 登登登櫈！各位，這叫僞 • 善。

Coal, if it disappeared from the nation's consciousness, never went away. This is America, and this is our fossil fuel, a $27.6 billion industry that employs nearly 80,000 miners in twenty-six states. We are sitting on 25 percent of the world's supply—the “Saudi Arabia of Coal!”—and lately we've been grabbing it in record amounts, gorging on the black rock the Bush administration calls "freedom fuel."

The question I had going in was almost ridiculous in nature: If coal is really this big, and all these people really exist, how is it that I know nothing about them?

The ceiling is five feet high, and so you can’t, actually, stand up. You look around and everyone is walking around like the freaks in Being John Malkovich. “Okay, they should make it higher,” I said to Foot the first time I experienced this. I wanted to call a congressman or something. This was ridiculous. There are people in here! Everyone’s doing a duck walk, hands clasped behind their backs to give the body balance as they lean over and waddle. You work your whole ten-hour shift like that, duck-walking through the darkness, nothing but a pinpoint of light shining from your hat to tell you which rat tunnel is which. A rat. You feel like a rat.

深圳小股神10歲炒股

深圳一名10歲「小股神」，3歲開始看股票新聞，7歲開始為父母炒股出謀劃策，10歲下了第一單。

「南方網」報道，小股神尹航的母親周女士說，懷尹航時，正是其上班公司股票上市其間，她每天挺著肚子整理、審核數據。也許因為她的這一工作和生活習慣，尹航從小就對數據和股票資訊非常敏感。尹航出生後，脾氣暴躁，但一打開電視讓他聽新聞或股票行情，他就會立刻安靜下來。

周女士表示，從3歲多到7歲，看新聞聯播和各類經濟新聞，成了尹航每天最大的樂趣。此外，他也開始虛擬炒股，以檢驗自己的能力。2004年上半年，中國全國股市熊市時。一次，7歲的尹航跟媽媽到深圳歡樂谷遊玩，發現遊客非常多，聽媽媽說歡樂谷是華僑城公司的項目後，尹航認定其股票一定會漲。尹航再三要求媽媽買華僑城的股票。剛開始，媽媽沒有聽。尹航急到哭了，媽媽這才買了。沒想到，兒子的這一建議，讓周女士獲益頗豐。她說，「也就是從那時起，我發現他的眼光很獨到，我跟丈夫炒股現在也全聽他的指揮。」

因為對股票的專注和興趣，爸爸決定給尹航一次實戰機會——今年1月15日，爸爸投資1.4萬元 (人民幣，下同)作為尹航的炒股基金，賺得的資金八二分帳，爸爸八，尹航二。拿到啟動資金後，尹航興奮地開始了自己人生第一單，他用這些錢購買了3隻股票，其中，深振業A購買時是13.12元，現在，該股票已上漲到22元，收穫頗豐富。而短短幾個月，尹航已通過爸爸的投資賺到了自己的小學學費。

但尹航並不滿足於這些，他表示，他想將自己賺得的錢融入到他和爸爸的炒股基金中，以此來稀釋爸爸的股份，最終獲得話事權，以後再要賣哪隻股票時，可以不通過爸爸的建議就自己直接購買了。

• The World’s Most Baffling Tribe – Chronicles the work of a former-disciple-turned-opponent of Noam Chomsky, on the language of an Amazonian tribe that defies the most widely accepted linguistics theories.
• Commutes from Hell – On the life of American commuters who are on the road 5+ hours a day.
• Railroading Tibet – The myth and reality of the world’s highest railway’s impact on the Tibetan social fabric.
• My first passport – A Turkish writer recounts the process in which his first passport created and shaped his self-identity.
• Urban acrobats – Introduces the readers to parkour, a newly emerged urban physical art form that combines extreme sport and martial arts.
• I love luggage – The obligatory article on shopping. Introduces the reader to the dizzying array of suitcases that can be found in the city.

• The Wallet Pen. Now, you always have a pen.
• Nifty Crosswords! Actually personalized all through! First they solve it – then they keep it!
• Swim at Home. Swim against a smooth current adjustable to any speed or ability. Ideal for exercise, therapy, and fun.
• Benchmark(er). Mark the big things in life – on the bench.
• Men’s wide shoes. EEE-EEEEEE, sizes 5 to 15.
• Replacements, Ltd. Missing a piece of your pattern? Over 11 million pieces in stock. New/used, buy/sell.

国家要推广普通话，浙江宁波某县县委书记、县长积极响应国家号召，决定在全县农村工作会议上用普通话发表讲话，带个好头。

县委书记：“兔子们，虾米们，猪尾巴！不要酱瓜啦，咸菜太贵啦！”
（翻译：同志们，乡民们，注意啦！不要讲话了，现在开会了！）

县委书记讲完后，主持人说：“咸菜请香肠酱瓜！”
（翻译：现在请县长讲话！）

县长说：“兔子们，今天的饭狗吃了，大家都是大王八！”
（翻译：同志们，今天的饭够吃了，大家都使大碗吧！）

“不要酱瓜啦，我捡个狗屎给你们舔舔·····”
（翻译：不要讲话了，我讲个故事给你们听听······）

“这个狗屎有人可能吃到。吃不到的也不要着急。”
（翻译：这个故事有人可能知道。知不到的也不要着急。）

“我现在就给你们拉——”

日內閣指沒證據強逼慰安婦

日本共同社報道，日本政府內閣經評估後，認為沒有證據顯示二戰時皇軍或政府逼婦女當慰安婦。

報道指，政府內閣回應反對派國會議員質詢，現政府就1993年時任內閣官房長官河野洋平為慰安婦問題道歉的看法時，提交了一份評估文件，指沒有任何紀錄顯示政府或軍方有強逼婦女當慰安婦。

Leveraged Buyouts

You have two cows. You come home from the fields one day to find Henry Kravis chatting to your spouse at the dining-room table. Two days later, you have no spouse, no farm, and no table. Two guys the size of sumo wrestlers have saddled up the cows and are riding them around the farmyard.

Hedge Funds

You have two cows. A guy in an open-necked shirt drives up in his Bentley and offers to take care of them for you in return for a year's supply of steak and 50 percent of their milk. They won't be allowed to leave his compound for two years.

Six months later, you have half a cow, producing sour milk. ``You have to be willing to lose rump today to get rib-eye tomorrow,'' the hedge-fund guy mumbles through a mouthful of sirloin and champagne.

Commodities

You have lots of stocks and bonds, but no cows. Are you crazy? Cows are the hot new market. Here, buy this exchange- traded cow futures contract. It can't lose. It gained 40 percent in the past six months.

Carbon-Emissions Trading

You have two cows. They produce 1.2 tons of methane gas per day. After a hefty donation to the re-election campaign of your local representative, the government gives you enough emission permits for six cows. You sell three permits, buy another cow, and apply for a European Commission grant to build a methane-gas power station.

ROME, Italy (AP) -- It could be humanity's oldest story of doomed love.

Archaeologists have unearthed two skeletons from the Neolithic period locked in a tender embrace and buried outside Mantua. The site is just 25 miles south of Verona, the romantic city where Shakespeare set the star-crossed tale of "Romeo and Juliet."

Buried between 5,000 and 6,000 years ago, the prehistoric pair are believed to have been a man and a woman and are thought to have died young, as their teeth were found intact, said Elena Menotti, the archaeologist who led the dig.

Although the Mantua pair strike a rare and touching pose, archaeologists have found prehistoric burials in which the dead hold hands or have other contact, said Luca Bondioli, an anthropologist at Rome's National Prehistoric and Ethnographic Museum.

The find has "more of an emotional than a scientific value." But it does highlight how the relationship people have with each other and with death has not changed much from the period in which humanity first settled in villages, learning to farm the land and tame animals, he said.

• 
  一是要堅持社會主義先進文化的發展方向，唱響網上思想文化的主旋律，努力宣傳科學真理、傳播先進文化、倡導科學精神、塑造美好心靈、弘揚社會正氣。
  
• 
  二是要提高網絡文化產品和服務的供給能力，提高網絡文化產業的規模化、專業化水平，把中華文化作為網絡文化的重要源泉，努力形成一批具有中國氣派、體現時代精神、品位高雅的網絡文化品牌。
  
• 
  三是要加強網上思想輿論陣地建設，掌握網上輿論主導權，提高網上引導水平，講求引導藝術，積極運用新技術，加大正面宣傳力度，形成積極向上的主流輿論。
  
• 
  四是要倡導文明辦網、文明上網，淨化網絡環境。
  
• 
  五是要堅持依法管理、科學管理、有效管理，綜合運用法律、行政、經濟、技術、思想教育、行業自律等手段，加快形成依法監管、行業自律、社會監督、規範有序的互聯網信息傳播秩序，切實維護國家文化信息安全。
  

《短句篇》

1. 巴斯光年殺左條龍之後變左咩？　　　殺龍巴斯
2. 條蟲爬去皇帝條ｊ度你估係咩？　　　爬龍舟囉
3. 咩植物識溜冰？　　　花，因為花式(識)溜冰
4. 皇后似咩？　　　似廣場，因為皇后像廣場
5. 有乜野慘過食屎？　　　食兩舊屎
6. 郭富城唱咩歌？　　　唱"這歌"
7. 去中國唱咩？　　　"唱"人民幣
8. You go to a ball, but you do nothing , what do you do?　　　Whole night stand
9. 有一塊火腿同一條腸仔放左落同一隻鑊度，點解佢地唔傾計？　　　因為佢地未熟
10. 讀完中五讀乜？　　　讀下午
11. 點解唔可以係船上講笑話？　　　因為個海聽到會笑，咁就會引起海嘯
12. 食乜野昆蟲會瘦？　　　蟻，因為食蟻瘦
13. 用身體上邊樣野可以修飾雙手？　　　答案係毛髮（毛髮可修飾的一對手）
14. 1+1 幾時會=3？　　　錯個陣
15. 去小明屋企禁極門鐘佢都唔開，最後講左一句乜小明先去開門？　　　「我來自德成」
16. 樹邊部份最得閒？　　　葉！因為「葉得閒」
17. 微分 sin 同積分 sin 分別係咩呢？　　　係「設計」同「入面」（d-sin 同 in-sin）
18. 原來「瑜珈」的創辦人係兩個中國人，但係佢地只係創立左一大堆理論，佢地究竟係邊個呢？　　　孔子、孟子
19. 有一日小明行行下街果時覺得隻腳好酸，原來小明踩中左舊檸檬…
20. 國際機場男廁…………乜能都有

《對話篇》

我：佢做咩啤住我地
佢：因為佢係熊仁

A：我地依家係邊?
B：北京
A：我地唔係去東京嫁咩?
A：指南針壞左掛.......

明仔：爸爸，點解會有兩個朗拿度？
爸爸：一個係朗拿度，一個係 C.朗拿度
明仔：咦，三國時代都有兩個馬昭喎
爸爸：邊度有呀？
明仔：一個係馬昭, 一個係司馬昭...

左：我０分添
右：咦！我又０分喎！一齊坐又０分，會唔會比人話作弊架？
左：係喎...我地錯埋d題一樣既...

話說熊貓哥哥同兔仔妹妹拍緊拖，但係屋企人都反對。
熊貓爸：你女朋友唔係好女仔黎架，飛左佢啦
熊貓　：點解咁講呀老豆?
熊貓爸：我上次睇playboy果時就見到你女朋友....

《故事篇》

點解d雀跌左落海3次唔死，一跌第4次就即刻死？
因為「有隻雀仔(1)跌落水、(2)跌落水、(3)跌落水，有隻雀仔(4)跌落水，被水沖去」

福爾摩斯同華生去露營，帳篷搭好後，他們就入去訓覺，到了半夜，福爾摩斯突然把華生搖醒，並且指著滿天星星對華生講：「華生，你望著滿天星星有咩感想？」
華生看後就說：「睇到滿天星星，令我覺得人類真是渺小... 我地應該好好珍惜我地的生命...造福社會....為世界盡一份心力 !!! 咁福爾摩斯，你呢？」
福爾摩斯瞪著滿天星星，佢話：「我地個帳幕被人笠左呀...」

禮拜天放假，蚯蚓兒子閒著沒事，就把自己切成兩段，對打羽毛球去；
蚯蚓媽媽看到，就把自己切成四段自個兒打麻將去。
無聊爸爸受到兒子與老婆的啟發刺激，卻把自己剁碎在砧板上奄奄一息了...
蚯蚓媽媽聞訊趕來，驚訝又傷心地說：「老公，你這是幹嘛呀！」
蚯蚓爸爸虛弱地說：「我.......想 ...想...踢場足球」

有兩個年糕黏在一起,有一天他們終於分開了,
他們高興地說：「Give me five!」
結果又黏起來了.........

從前有一個王國有個公主，雙手無論放咩野上去都會溶化，
咁個國王就下左一道聖旨，
如果有人可以俾到公主一樣野係唔溶既就可以娶公主。
A國王子俾左粒鑽石公主，但一放係公主手上就溶左，
B國王子俾左粒黃金公主，但同樣地一放係公主手上就溶左。
有一個年青人，放左一樣野係公主手上，竟然冇溶到，結果佢就娶左公主。
究竟個樣野係咩呢？
係 M & M（m&m只溶係口 唔溶係手）

華盛頓砍低左佢老豆既樹，點解佢老豆冇鬧佢，仲讚佢乖，話佢誠實？
因為華盛頓果時仲拎住個斧頭

America(美國)這個字的由來：哥倫布有一次出海，佢ｄ水手見到一片新大陸，就大嗌：「呀！咩黎咖？」
所以個片大陸就叫做a-me-ri-ca

《事件篇》

長頸鹿條頸咁長係因為佢要食樹上既草，越食越高，條頸越伸越長。
咁猩猩個鼻哥窿點解會咁大？
因為佢D手指好粗

有個人係辦公室成日放響屁，同事忍唔住話：「你可唔可以唔出聲？」
然後就見佢坐係度搖黎搖去打冷震，同事就問：「做乜呀你？」
佢話：......................「我較左做震機」


從前有個小朋友去左食pizza，點知pizza hut d pizza 加左橄欖， 之後個細路話比佢名媽知：
「禁撚（橄欖）難食嫁 ,唔好食呀!」

一部收得好好嘅電話，佢嘅功能係打電話；
咁一部收唔到嘅電話，佢嘅功能又係咩呢？
學語文（靈格phone）